i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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