what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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