Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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