So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
