Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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