just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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