We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
