I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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