After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
