I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
