Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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