I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
