I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
