like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
