I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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