I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
