Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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