u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
