I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
