Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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