Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
