I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
