You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
