Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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