your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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