I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
