I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
