Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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