At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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