I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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