she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
