You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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