Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
