porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
