I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
