We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
