her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
