Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
