I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
