i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
