I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
