i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
