it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
