It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
