I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
