you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
