ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
