I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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