She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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