I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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