i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
