it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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