I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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