Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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