i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
