Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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